Sunday, September 18, 2011

the sky, inside and me

[Poem] of the day: 'Each man’s death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.'
-For Whom the Bells Tolls by John Donne

I'm calling the next few months Improvement Months.
Why? Well, I'm planning to go all out on refining my skills. I am going to experiment on my drawings and try writing. More and more.
More and more.

Of course, I can't make it as effective as I would've liked. Sure, I'm pretty lazy with homework. I admit that. But  I know I will be trying to boost up my grades. Not like it was bad last year, but I'll be honest, I want to top the grade. Can't a child live up to her parents' expectations?

Teachers tell me to be more than my parents. I don't need to be told twice-- I already have a huge dream. Others think of the chances they'll fulfil that, I think of HOW I'd get there. I've always been optimistic. Somehow, I'd get there.

I always wonder how the sky is like that. The universe is vast and dark. How come, when the sun shines on earth, the sky is a light blue? That question is close to home, but my mind is working on the angle to tilt the question. I suspect it has something to do with sun's rays getting filtered by the atmospheres, much like auroras, and looks blue. I think I read something like that about sunsets...
Back to topic, what I mean by the sky is the sky and universe. Look at supernovas! Such death is beautiful. Morbid, sad, but beautiful. I hope the stars can rest knowing they left their impressions inside the minds of men and other beings alike.

So when the sky divide open and become a red rose like (glowing) oil.
QS. 55 Ar Rahman : 37

That verse (ayat) is from the Qur'an, explaining about supernovas. I think that's how I got so fascinated with the universe. To me, knowledge is art. The more you know, the more things become beautiful. I can look outside and see a rainbow, and know that the falling rain and sun created it, but it never fails to retain its miracle-like impressions. I see through the eyes of a child I am.

Are you creative? Because I think I am. Whenever they show me a painting, or a picture, or a photo, I always see more than what is shown. Sometimes they show me a picture of nebula, and I see animals, and people, and sometimes they seem to be reaching for the stars, or embracing life. I love it. Universe stimulates both my mind and soul, and I just want to embrace it.

There is something undeniably alluring about knowledge. It tempts me, and it teaches me. Like a mentor, it  teaches me how everything come be, and like a lover, it shows me the beauty of it all. Knowledge is beautiful.

The sky is my role model. To be vast, knowledgeable and somehow be so mysterious!

 My dreams are set high, and its hung on a star 100 light years away. It's so far, so high, but I want to know everything between me and my dreams. Others can be dream of being a doctor, or teacher, or police, but I will still remain rigid in my seat and proclaim that I will attain the title of Professor. I want to be an astronomer, then become a psychologist to combine the beauty of universe and human minds. I will make my life a scientific art.

I believe in God, and my religion. I do not believe that humans are this majestic without a lent hand of a higher being. I believe in miracles, I believe in angels. Science and religions create a truly beautiful painting. I can see it in my heart- the bold and daring and calm, and the holy and sweet colours blending like colours in the sunset.

It think it would be nice if I can surpass my parents. Especially my father. I've always admired him for being so patient and sticks to his principles and stay so strong. I've been asking lots of impossible questions, so I think I'm doing good. A head start is always good! I have no time to waste on 'enjoying life as a teenager'. Well, not wasting, but I feel happier doing what I'm doing right now.

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